This month was a hard month on my body.
I got an infection and was on antibiotics for 15 days. After that I got a virus and spent the better part of a week in bed. It was during this illness that I started to feel some depression symptoms coming on – guilt tripping myself, hopelessness, feeling useless/pointless, etc.
My period was 6 days late, which is highly unusual for me.
I figured maybe being in bed so much was triggering depression, resembling depressions past in it’s physical manifestation so much, you know?
But then I got better. And I still felt depressed. Not deeply, not psychotically, just kind of flat in every way. Nothing sounded fun or appealing & all I felt capable of doing was watching shows or movies on my laptop laying down. It was a more irritable depression than I am used to having, which was unfortunate for Muse. I had to apologize many times for taking out my irritability on him.
I thought maybe it was because Muse & I had had some uglier arguments recently. I thought maybe what I was feeling was emotional hangover from that. I told myself on Monday or so that I would give it until Friday to let the dust settle. By Friday I was still feeling this low-key almost constant hum of depression in my bones & in my eyes so I called Dr. R.
Dr. R put me on Wellbutrin, 150mg in the morning. He said his patients who struggle with autumn depression had all been calling him recently and he thought it might have something to do with the autumn equinox happening recently, even though most of them (including me) were unaware of this. I thought that was a cool fact because it was kind of witchcraft meets modern medicine, you know?
He said give the Wellbutrin a shot for a week or two at this dose. During that time if the depression gets worse, call him. If after a week or two things are starting to feel better or still feel about the same, call him. Basically: call him & he will do his best to help. My psychiatrist is an amazing doctor. And kind. You can’t underestimate the worth of a kind doctor in my experience.
I’ve been on Wellbutrin a few times in the past and it’s never done much for my depression but I’ve never been on it with the exact cocktail of psychiatric meds I am on now, so here’s hoping.
Cheers & take courage.
Anyone else struggle with depression this time of year? Mine usually starts in September & lasts until November or so.