Conversion Symptoms

I deal with anxiety attacks pretty regularly, almost daily right now really. Sometimes a strange thing happens where my legs stop doing what legs are supposed to do, they don’t work as legs, during an anxiety attack.

I have many flavors of anxiety attacks, it just depends – depends on what, I am not sure. Sometimes it’s the classic hyperventilating-heartispounding-IamconvincedIamlosingmymindordying kind of panic attack. Other times I just feel really exhausted-nauseated-lightheaded. Sometimes there is crying involved, sometimes there isn’t. Usually when I have a panic attack I go to bed or the couch, take my Klonopin, snuggle dogs & wait for it to pass.

But yesterday something scary happened. I felt the anxiety coming on, so I took 2mg of Klonopin & thought, “Okay, I’ll go lay in the sun with Lena for a bit and sip some water and maybe that’ll help.” But then, while I was on the back porch, my legs stopped working. I couldn’t get back inside the house because I couldn’t get to the door. Eventually it passed & I got inside but it was really scary to be out in the sun, knowing my skin was burning, and to not be able to get somewhere “safe,” if that makes sense. The backyard is perfectly safe but I wanted to be in my home & it is Alabama/August.

Anyway, I talked to my psychiatrist last night and he still wants me to try Lyrica and see if that helps with this strange panic disorder flair-up that has been going on way too long for my taste now. He actually prescribed it to me on Monday (today is Thursday) but I haven’t been able to pick it up because of some stupidity on the insurance company’s part.

Here’s hoping it helps.

He also said I should try to find a therapist who specializes in anxiety/panic disorders because there is a rather real danger of me becoming a shut-in with the symptoms that have been happening. I’m not far from it, he’s not wrong. For a long time now I’ve only been going to garden stores or pet stores because I can’t go anywhere without my little dog due to my anxiety without feeling really – I don’t know – freaked out/exposed/alone/naked/overwhelmed/afraid. It’s hard to get everything a person needs at garden & pet stores alone.

Someday I would like to be able to go grocery shopping without intense anxiety or a panic attack again. I’d like to take that off the list of things Edward has to do for us because I can’t. But grocery stores are a very common trigger for people with anxiety struggles, so for now I am not going to beat myself up about it.

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