I’m actually pretty proud of how I’ve handled today. I’ve gotten much less time with Muse lately than would be my preference and I woke up to a text from him that he had late shift today, so it was going to be even more “alone time” than usual – but I didn’t freak out and right now it’s about 5pm and I’m still coping pretty well. I haven’t even taken my 3rd klonopin today yet, maybe I won’t need to. I’ve taken care of the lawn (i.e gave two sweet men some cash to properly take care of it as Muse & I have both failed at this task lol to be fair though we are only renting the house & only possess a push mower), cleaned the house, snuggled with the dogs, fed the cat, drank a lot of coffee, started a new audiobook, bought 3 tiny plants I’m going to repot and put in the bathroom, bought some more fish for my aquarium including some that look a bit like ghosts & now I am cleaning my aquariums.
It poured down rain (could hardly see through it to drive) while the little dog & I were out running errands today but wow was the thunder glorious. It put me in a mood to listen to expansive music like the latest album by the Fleet Foxes. I ended up buying the little dog a tiny rain poncho because she HATES getting wet. It’s pretty adorable.
After I wrote that bit yesterday, a bit later on in the evening, my mood started to drop a bit. I talked to my mom on the phone for a bit. I tried to play with the big dog. Two of the fish I had bought for my aquarium that day weren’t getting along – so I decided to return them to the pet shop before one of my other fish got a fin bitten off. I took the big dog with me because he was very energetic & I wanted to get some of the energy out before Muse got home later, knowing Muse was exhausted & not wanting him to have to deal with a very spazzy big dog as soon as he walked in the door. My blood sugar got low while I was driving to the pet shop with the big dog & the to-be-returned fish in little baggies of water. Low blood sugars are always a stressful experience but especially when they happen while I am driving. They are meant to be this way – they feel a lot like a panic attack, in a way. The body needs you to feel super anxious & stressed so you’ll fix the issue before it becomes dangerous. I stopped and got a fountain soda to pump my blood sugar back up. I returned the fish. By then Muse had gotten home (earlier than we thought he would!) & it was so wonderful to see him when I got home. He was cooking us dinner because he’s the absolute best. The big dog was very, very excited to see him. It’s a little pathetic but I don’t eat very well when Muse isn’t home because I both am bad at & hate cooking.
By then the sun had basically set (the trip to the store took longer than expected because of the low blood sugar) & both the big dog & I got nervous driving home because neither of us can see as well as the average person/dog in the dark. Usually I try to avoid driving at night altogether but this time it just couldn’t be avoided – one thing led to another and we had to get home even though it was dark.
I’m looking forward to the next five days (including today) actually because Muse only has to work a half day today and he’ll be home all day tomorrow. The reason for this is that he has to study for a big exam he has on Friday morning – but after that he should be MINE for most of the weekend. Good lord do I need some good quality time with Muse after how busy he’s been lately.