I’m 26 years old and live in the United States. My husband and I moved to a new city for his schooling in May – ironically enough he is training to be a psychiatrist. On this blog, I’m gonna call him Muse. We rent a house I’m quite fond of in our new city. The city I could take or leave, but the house I like quite a bit. It has lots of light & gloriously red hardwood floors. We have 2 dogs (one giant, one tiny) & a calico cat. I have some fish, which Muse thinks are kinda pointless pets, but I really enjoy watching them all go nuts when I feed them. I have a lot of houseplants – so many that sometimes I get stressed out trying to keep up with caring for them all.
Muse is gone a lot and I think part of my struggle right now is that I’m still (even though it’s been like this since the end of June) learning how to deal with so much more “alone time” than I’m used to. I have a therapist who I talk to on the phone usually once a week. I have a psychiatrist who I adore. I have an autoimmune disorder I’ve had since I was 2 years old & may be developing another one according to some recent blood work.
I’m an artist/housewife. In the housewife realm, I try to keep things going while Muse is so busy. In the artist realm I recently won a grant I applied for (literally made me so happy when I found out I was chosen for it that I almost cried) & one of the reasons I am so fond of this house is that it has a spare bedroom I can use as an artist studio.
This is my workspace in my studio:
If things go according to plan, someday we will be able to live almost anywhere we choose & Muse will make a very nice income. I dream of rescuing lots of old dogs from the local shelter someday & giving them all the happiest retirement a dog could have. I dream of a sizable yard with trees, plants & flowers growing everywhere & winding pathways through it. I have other dreams to: mountains, desert, growing as an artist, figuring myself out, maybe authoring a book (or several), finding my tribe.
I have enough of all the things I think a person needs – shelter, love, food, money, creative expression, books to read, plants. I have even more than that – I have Muse, who I’m nuts about. I have fur babies. I have a lounge chair on the back deck so I can work on my freckle collection in the sun. I have friends – most of them live far away now but we talk on the phone. I have health insurance. I can afford my psychiatric & non-psychiatric medications.
Through most people’s eyes, I am sitting fairly pretty in life.
So why is my mental health so all over the place & my anxiety so high most days?